A Cat-astrophic Curse
by Le Penguin
Summary: In which a cunning villain turns the Gentle Shepherd into a Japanese cartoon cat mascot. (Sorey/Mikleo)


"What's on the menu for today?"

"You'll just have to wait and see. Go back to the tent and read, and I'll bring it over once it's finished."

"Well, now you've gotten me all curious, so there's no way that I can just go and read. C'mon, Mikleo, tell meeee…"

"It's a new recipe! Telling you anything about it would jinx it."

"Everything you make is amazing. But I think this recipe could maybe use a little bit of extra spice while you stir…"

And then the tickling started. It was an altogether entirely revolting display. Symonne scowled down at the heartwarming scene beneath her feet, mulling over how to best destroy it.

Symonne had initially been perched atop a nearby cliff face, for it was the highest point in the area, and to properly loom menacingly over one's unsuspecting prey one needed to be at the highest point in the area. But it was also a little bit too far away for her to see or hear anything, which was also an important aspect of looming and menacing, so she had to move to a nearby tree instead. She managed to climb up it well enough, but didn't really know how to get down. The bark scratched her, there were bugs, and tweety little birds and fluffy forest animals. Leaves and twigs were stuck in her hair. And now the Shepherd and that water seraph were flirting and canoodling and being generally loathsome right in front of her.

All these various inconveniences compounded on Symonne's psyche, upsetting its delicate (and questionable) balance, and drove her to a single conclusion:

She needed to kill them both immediately.

There was the matter of her master's wishes to consider, but...Symonne squinted and thought back. She kind of forgot what her master was going for with this Shepherd. In fact, she couldn't really remember the last time she got a specific and direct order about performing acts of chaos and various mischiefs. Her master had always been rather hands-off with his management of his loyal followers. He just kinda let them do whatever, and then wandered off to stand in a single spot in the middle of a field for weeks at a time. It was nice on paper, and allowed her a lot of artistic freedom, but sometimes she felt that she could do with a bit more direction. She would have to remember to bring this topic up in her next employee evaluation.

"S-sorey! S-stop! You're going to make me spill everything everywhere!"

"I can't help it, Mikleo! I've been possessed by the dreaded Tickle Hellion! Remember me as the man I was, not the man I have become!"

That laughter. Those kissy noises. This would all end _now_.

Symonne raised her wand, and began to wind up an incantation. She would addle that Shepherd's mind, make that water seraph of his look like a delicious and irresistible treat to devour, and - when he'd eaten his beloved whole - she would restore to him his senses and allow him to fall to despair. A perfect plan, and one that surely would have worked flawlessly if not for the rogue falling apple that dropped from its branch squarely onto Symonne's head. It disrupted her concentration, and also disrupted her balance, causing her to plummet to the forest floor below, screeching and firing off magic all the while.

Sorey and Mikleo's romantic interlude was thus interrupted by a falling, screaming, spellcasting, disturbingly-half-dressed visitor. They barely had half a moment to take in the situation when one of her spells ricocheted off a rock and hit Sorey square in the chest. He was enveloped in a cloud of sparkly pink smoke, obscuring him completely from view. Mikleo let out a frantic, panicked shout of Sorey's name, and dove into the cloud to try and retrieve him before whatever wicked curse Symonne wrought took its hold.

The commotion brought the rest of the team running, abandoning their foraging efforts to rush back to the campsite. Rose reached the site first - she prepared herself for the worst: to be greeted by swarms of hellions, a squadron of soldiers, the sight of Sorey's crumpled, bloodied body in Mikleo's arms. But she could not have expected the sight of what truly awaited her.

"Hey, hey-! You're back, you're back!"

Rose stared as a tiny cat-like creature toddled up to her feet. Its pure white fur was accented by black whiskers, and a big blue bow jauntily bounced on its head as it hopped up and down in front of her. She would have written it off as just another oddity of this new Squire gig, some sort of distant normin relative, but…

That mop of mussed brown hair atop the creature's head was eerily familiar. And this tiny creature was dressed in a perfect, equally tiny replica of Sorey's clothes. The complicated cloak, those goofy feather earrings, the whole shebang. And the real Sorey was nowhere to be seen in their camp.

Mikleo - the resident expert on all things Sorey - was busy binding an unconscious Symonne to a tree with a sort of manic, frantic determination. He seemed so engrossed in the effort that Rose almost felt that she shouldn't bother him. But, considering the situation, she really had to bother him. She coughed lightly, and Mikleo's head whirled to stare at her; his eyes wild.

"...," Rose began. "...uh. What'd we miss?"

"Mikleo was making us dessert, and I was tickling him!" the kitty-Sorey squeaked out. "It looked sooooo tasty, and Mikleo is so so so pretty-!"

"Uh-huh," Rose replied. This kitty-Sorey seemed to have the same general thought processes as the normal Sorey, if a bit higher-pitched. "And then what?"

"And then there was a biiiiig crash, BOOM! And then all this pink glitter, and I got little!"

Which was Symonne's doing, no doubt. Rose walked over to where Mikleo had secured her. She heard the rapid patter of tiny feet behind her as she went.

"I'm guessing you haven't gotten any info from her," Rose observed. She cautiously reached out to turn Symonne's head enough to bring the big bump on it into better view. "She's out like a light."

"I... I should have been more careful," Mikleo managed to get out. His body looked like it was wound up so tight, it was a wonder he could even breathe. "I was distracted and didn't hear her coming, I didn't shove Sorey out of the way quickly enough, I…"

His despair was interrupted by the intervention of kitty-Sorey pattering up and nuzzling his chin against Mikleo's knee - with Mikleo crouched on the ground, it was the tallest part of him that kitty-Sorey was able to reach. kitty-Sorey made a soft noise, and raised his stubby little arms in the air until Mikleo picked him up - carefully, gently, as if he was cradling something infinitely precious and utterly irreplaceable. He brought kitty-Sorey close to his chest, and sighed raggedly. kitty-Sorey made a satisfied noise, and continued to nuzzle whatever part of Mikleo was closest. It seemed to settle Mikleo, and bit by bit, Rose saw the tension in his shoulders ease.

By this point, the rest of the team had finally made their appearance. kitty-Sorey waved both little arms in excitement as they approached.

"Hi! Hi! Hello! Yay, everyone's here-!" he cheered.

"Oh my…" Lailah murmured. "Sorey, you've…you've entered something of a _cat_-atonic state."

Lailah puffed out her cheeks, trying to suppress her laughter. Still holding her breath, she looked around excitedly at the rest of the team, waiting for someone to celebrate her wordplay. Celebration failed to occur. Edna strode up to where Mikleo crouched, to where their prisoner was bound, and poked at the bump on Symonne's head with the end of her umbrella.

"I have my doubts that Little Miss Hotpants meant for it to turn out this way," Edna said idly. "If she even had a gameplan in the first place."

"My plan is to go out and play with Mikleo!" kitty-Sorey announced proudly. "And then we'll read together and eat Mikleo's de-lic-ious treats and cuddle all night!"

Edna continued to idly jab her umbrella at various parts of Symonne. She rose one critical eyebrow at kitty-Sorey.

"Are we a hundred percent positive that she actually did anything to him at all?" she asked flatly.

Lailah's held breath exploded from her with a graceless, trumpeting wheeze, and she clapped in helpless delight.

"POSITIVE! _PAW_-SITIVELY _PAW_-SITIVE!" she announced to, like, the abstract concept of anyone who found her sense of humor appealing. "_Purr_-haps there's a _paws_-sibility that we can break this absolutely a-_paw_-ling curse on our dear Shep-_purr_ed…"

Slowly, gently, Zaveid approached Lailah; making soothing noises and sidestepping her in her erratic movements like one would when approaching a bucking horse. He removed his hat from his head and lowered it onto Lailah's head; pushing it down until her face was obscured and her voice was muffled. She did not appear to fully be aware of the additional accessory to her person, and continued to ramble on; her voice muted by the hat's felting.

"Thank you, Zaveid," said Rose. She checked the back of her hand, examining the skin there. "...I think I just got hives from saying that."

Zaveid gave a cheeky little bow, and then sat down next to Mikleo. His composure was a blessing in itself, and seemed to further calm Mikleo's rattled nerves.

"Lemme take a look at this little squirt for a quick second, Meeboy."

Hesitantly, Mikleo unwrapped himself from Sorey just enough for Zaveid to give kitty-Sorey a quick look-over. Zaveid examined his tiny cloak; the embroidery on it so delicate that it looked like it was wrought by fairies, the feathers so small that they looked like wisps of dandelion fluff. He poked his white cheek; squishy and soft like mochi, and it elicited a sweet giggle from kitty-Sorey that jingled like a bell. kitty-Sorey buried his face back into Mikleo's chest for a moment, then wriggled until he'd scaled Mikleo to perch on his shoulder and nuzzle against his neck and ear.

"Well. I can tell you that he's definitely the real Sorey - he's got the same soul rattling around in that cute little noggin, and the same air about him," Zaveid said. He scratched at his chin and frowned. "She definitely cursed him good. I don't know how long the transfiguration spell will last, though. That kinda magic was never really my bag…"

"Who _does_ know about that kind of magic?" Mikleo asked quietly. His hand came up to touch kitty-Sorey at his shoulder, to confirm he was there, or to comfort himself. kitty-Sorey giggled and grabbed Mikleo's finger between his paws, steering it to poke his own nose. "Please. You must know of someone."

"Are you in despair!? Do you feeeeeel the agony crushing your heart like a vize!?"

The team slowly turned to look at Symonne, who had woken up and broken out of the rope bindings while they were chatting. Her hair and clothing were a mess from the fall. She wobbled on her feet, and couldn't really focus her eyes, so she probably had a concussion brewing in her fevered little skull. Still, she managed a manic grin, and tilted her head back to crow with laughter.

"Experience a taste of the magnificent salvation my master will bring to this wretched world!"

"Heldalf wants to turn us all into cats?" Rose asked, confused. "I mean, I guess cats are like...his thing."

"Ah," Edna said, making a face. "So he's one of _those._"

"One of what?" asked Mikleo, confused. "A cat person?"

Lailah un-hatted herself long enough to rejoin the discussion. "I think Edna means he's a _fur_-midable opponent!"

"Yes," Edna replied. "And no."

Zaveid huffed. "Hey now, I'm not just gonna stand around while y'all besmirch the much-maligned name of a proud and noble people!"

"We all know what you think, Zaveid. We know your _tastes_." Edna emphasized the last word, deliberately. "I've seen the stuff you like on Twitter at two in the morning-"

"Stop misinterpreting my master's glorious vision!" shrieked Symonne, nearly falling over in her rage, and present lack of inner ear function.

"What _is _your master's vision, exactly?" asked Mikleo.

Symonne's eyes went unfocused again, and she was silent for a long moment while she visibly tried to think of an answer. kitty-Sorey raised his paw politely, and waited for Mikleo to boop it with his finger before speaking.

"I have a vision! I spy, with my little eye, something that begins with - Mikleo!" kitty-Sorey cuddled up to Mikleo's neck again, happily. "It's 'Mikleo'! I see Mikleo! Mikleo, I love you-!"

Symonne turned green, and made a retching noise; doubling over as if she was about to vomit all over the forest floor. Edna tsked in disapproval.

"Oh come on," she said. "They're insufferable, but that's just overdramatic."

Symonne lurched upright, and brandished her wand once more. The group immediately went on guard.

"No more. No more of _this_," Symonne said, pointing her wand squarely at kitty-Sorey.

kitty-Sorey blinked, and placed a single paw on his chin. His ears twitched with the motion.

It was the last straw. The last, adorable straw. Symonne shrieked in rage, and in the blink of an eye, kitty-Sorey was surrounded by the same glittery pink smoke that transformed him at the first; obscuring both him and Mikleo from view. There was a thud, and the sound of Mikleo yelping. When the smoke cleared, Sorey was back to his original form, and was cradling Mikleo in his arms as he knelt on the forest floor.

"Are you okay, Mikleo?" Sorey asked, concerned. The big blue bow was still firmly attached to his head. "I'm so sorry; I must have hurt your shoulder when I changed back…"

Mikleo couldn't even try to hide the smile that crossed his face, and allowed his fingers to trace the line of that jaw that he'd already missed so dearly. "I'll be fine. I'll be fine, now."

Sorey leaned into Mikleo's palm, then leaned in for a kiss. The shimmering pink smoke floated about them in the midsummer breeze, catching rays of sunlight as it drifted. It showed no signs of settling or dispersing; as if it was content to frame the pair in their own little world for a while longer.

"They...just don't _stop_," Symonne said, as much in awe as disgust at the scene before them.

"You're preaching to the choir," Edna grumbled. She turned to face Symonne, and tapped her umbrella against the palm of her own open hand. "So, listen. You're gonna teach me that spell so I can use it to torment the plebeians that orbit me, or else I'm going to shatter your kneecaps…"


End file.
